Private sex requires good communication
Harmony comes from communication.
This is true from country to country and from person to person.
Husband and wife relationship is the closest, but it is also not possible without communication.
In fact, tacit understanding does not exist because it is a husband and wife. It is also established through communication.
Many readers who are writing to me in emotional conflict are also because of communication.
If it is easier to communicate in daily life, then it is more difficult to communicate completely privately, such as sex.
It may be based on the shackles of traditional concepts, or it may be based on the lack of methods. It is a common phenomenon for couples to have good communication on sex.
And this will certainly affect the relationship between husband and wife and family harmony, and boots may also affect the construction of a harmonious society.
Many people think that sex is “tacit understanding” and no communication is required.
One man didn’t realize the need for communication. He wrote to me in a letter to him: “Recently my wife always likes to communicate with me about some sexual issues.
We have been married for seven years, and she has hardly talked to me about this before, so this embarrasses me, and I often think that the sexual life between husband and wife need not say much.
I can’t figure out why she became so curious and concerned.
But our relationship has always been good, so I try to satisfy my wife’s curiosity, I will try to answer her if she has any questions.
I’m not unconcerned about her feelings. I also heard her talk about the nature of husband and wife communication.
However, I think there should be no problem with the quality of sexual life between us, and we can all be satisfied with it. In this case, is there any need to communicate and communicate?
I feel that this is a superfluous thing. I am embarrassed to say anything to my wife, but it really does n’t make sense to communicate with her. How can I dispel her thoughts?
“I replied to him: It is a very good thing that the wife likes to communicate sexual feelings. It is one of the good emotional expressions of couples and an important way to help sexual life.
There is no absolute good quality of sexual life, it can always be better.
Therefore, the more communication the better.
Moreover, he feels that it is two different things to feel good with his wife. She is diligent in communicating with him, perhaps because she has found shortcomings.
Besides, with the change of age, everyone’s sexual feelings and needs change at the same time, and this kind of communication between husband and wife should accompany life.
The writer’s husband should thank his wife for taking the initiative to communicate and listen to and interpret her voice in the communication.
Let us look at the letter from a woman and a man separately, and we can know how easy it is for men and women to misread each other if they can communicate.
The lady in the letter is 26 years old and has been married for one year. In the letter, she said: “I like to have some intimate behaviors with my husband in my life, such as hugging my relatives, but my husband often sees me like this.‘热情’的表示，都会以为我要和他过性生活，于是不管正在做什么，都会马上大力回报，直至真的过性生活.
这可真是让我烦恼，有了几次这种‘箭在弦上不得不发’的‘遭遇’后，我都不敢在生活中对他表示热情了，生怕他又将这种热情误认为是我要过性生活的‘信号’。”The letter’s husband was married for three years, and he said in the letter:” The wife is a bit introverted, but our sex life has always been good.
It just feels that sometimes I have a hard time understanding her thoughts.
Sometimes sometimes after we go to bed in the evening, I feel like I have entered the pre-caressing stage of sex life, such as talking about love, caressing each other and kissing, but when I really want to start sex, she tells me that my body is uncomfortableWaiting for some reason, politely refused my request, which made me very confused.
At present, I often do n’t know if she wants to have sex with me. When I ‘m intimate, I do n’t know how to ask her directly, so that she ca n’t see her thoughts even when she looks up.Life is also normal. I can’t understand her behavior. Since I don’t want to have sex, why do I have to be very intimate?
I think, at least until then, our intimacy was the prelude to sex.
Now, her change makes me very uncomfortable, but I don’t know how to talk to her. How should I deal with this kind of problem?
“The breakthroughs of these two couples are very typical to tell us that each person’s sexual signals are different, and both spouses have misread each other’s sexual signals.
What they need is communication, which defines the subtle distinction between different sexual signals.
In my reply to the man, I wrote: “The sexual foreplay that you understand may in her understanding be just the intimacy of expressing feelings between husband and wife, not a prelude to sex, or not necessarily a prelude to sexTherefore, naturally, you will not be terminated at the beginning.
The problem you face now is that you need to change to a ‘signal’ that supplements your desire to have sex.
这件事当然不能在床上‘前戏’的时候谈，而应该在一个与做爱无关，但又很亲昵随意的情景下谈，直接地交流，说出你的困扰，了解她的想法，确定一个新的‘性信号’来代替‘性前戏’。”I knew that I needed to communicate and communicate, so I faced the specific question of how to communicate?
Need to really figure out how you feel in sex?In my opinion, the way of communication can be direct or implicit, but the goal to be achieved is the same: let the other party know your feelings clearly.
One, a certain rhythm of sexual life, in a way that makes it easier for you to reach orgasm, and in some cases you can hardly reach orgasm, and even very uncomfortable.
Only when both sides understand the best way to bring sexual pleasure to each other can they be targeted.
Some readers once asked, if two people have different opinions and opinions about a certain moment in sexual life, how can they be unified?
In my opinion, we need to accommodate each other, and even sacrifice each other.
For example, if you like different sexual life styles, if you can’t reach a consensus, you should use them alternately, and the brakes can satisfy both parties.
A letter from a man stated that their husband and wife really needed to communicate: “My wife and I have been married for almost two years. In the past two years, our sex life has been too regular, twice a week, once every Wednesday and once on Sunday.
Of course, this is the rule of the wife.
I do n’t know where she saw the knowledge, saying that the young and excessive sex life is very bad for health, so I gave myself such a timetable for sex life, and I was embarrassed to have too much with her in this matter.There have been many disputes, so she has been following her meaning, but recently this almost rigid schedule has made me more and more uncomfortable.
Several times I wanted to talk to her about this, but it was always difficult to talk to her.
Is this correct for her?
What should I do?
“In my opinion, having sex is the best when it is needed. Being strong when it is not needed or not when it is needed is a violation of nature.
The problem is that sex is a matter for two people, and it should be done when both people want to do it.
Therefore, the husband should ask his wife if there are other reasons besides the health reasons she said that made her to make such a mechanical rule on sex.
If so, you should face it together.
If not, tell her that young people’s sex life is mostly normal and even good for health.
In short, the husband and wife need to be straightforward, without covering up.
Knowing what to communicate, but not everyone is willing to communicate.
A man said in the letter: “I really want to talk to my wife about the feelings in sex and hope to improve our quality of sexual life, but every time I ask her, she is always ashamed to ask herShe was vague about everything.
I don’t even know her true thoughts until now.
What can I do to hear her true thoughts, and what can I do to really communicate with her?
“It seems that this bride is a person with sexual shame, and I am embarrassed to talk directly about her sexual feelings.
And her husband’s way of questioning must be too direct, which had an impact on her ideas, so that she was even more afraid to clearly indicate her feelings.
At this time, it is even more necessary for her husband to slow down her nature, to follow the wife’s thinking path in order to help her get rid of sexual shame.
In addition, the other person’s sexual feelings do not necessarily require her to speak directly. It can also be achieved through multiple observations. Love and carefulness can help us find out what our spouse is embarrassed to say.
Communication requires skill, and if it’s not done well, it can be counterproductive.
A lady wrote about her distress in the letter: “I have been married to my husband for more than 5 years.
I feel good about sex because my husband has always cared about me during sex.
But sometimes I think his worry is a bit overwhelming, and some of my personalities are shy, but when he caresses before sex, he always says something that embarrasses me, in his words, it is for me to ‘re-enter the state’。
After sex, he also likes to repeatedly ask me how I feel during sex, and also says that it is to ‘summary experience’.
In fact, he does n’t feel good about me. I do n’t know if it ‘s normal for couples to have sex. Before sex started, he did n’t say those words. I feel better. Questions after sex, actually ask百遍我的回答也一样是‘还不错’，为什么总要问得那么详细、那么具体呢？This is always the case, I really think he is a bit ‘perverted’.
Is this normal for him?
“This husband just didn’t do good.
What he wants to do is actually more about sexual communication, understanding his wife’s specific sexual feelings, and subtle needs, and braking forwards “targeted”, so that the two parties can be more tacit and coordinated to achieve a better climax.
But the problem is that communication issues also need to be supplemented, that is, both parties have this intention, and both can feel happy about the communication itself.
The husband has no “shyness” of his wife, and he ignores this sense of communication.
This needs to be integrated into sexual communication.
There are also cases where the wife wants to communicate, but the husband avoids it.A lady wrote in the letter: “I and my husband have been married for more than a year, and our sex life is currently OK.
But I have some questions about sex.
For example, my husband doesn’t know why he kept silent during sex, so I don’t feel good.
Because I always feel that sexual life is a matter between two people, communication does not necessarily have to wait for sexual life, during the process of sexual life, there can also be some simple communication.
I was embarrassed at first, so I rarely spoke in sex.
But then, I felt that it was necessary to communicate, but whenever I asked my husband how he felt during sex, he always hurriedly stopped me, as if my approach affected him very much.
To be honest, this silent sex life really makes me feel awkward, at least it makes me nervous.
The husband does have to be inward in life, but he shouldn’t do this kind of intimate communication between husband and wife, so I always feel that the sex life is very mechanical, and we may be like machines.
How can I change this situation?
“I analyzed her situation and replied in the letter:” Whether communication during the sex life is completely a matter of habits and preferences varies from person to person, not a matter of principle.
Some couples like to communicate at the time, and some like to communicate later. This is understandable.
Because your husband does not like to communicate in sexual life, it may be because his attitude towards sex is more traditional and conservative, and he dare not accept it. Therefore, he is afraid to face and admit his behavior.
This requires you to talk with him carefully about his attitude to sex, affirm his performance in sexual life, and point out that sex is the deepest and most noble communication between husband and wife, there is nothing shameful, and you don’t have to face it.
There is also a possibility that he was a little nervous in his sexual life and needed a high degree of concentration to achieve his full strength. He was afraid that he would not be able to do it when he was distracted.
In this way, you can take a hot bath with him before sex, give him a massage, and adjust the atmosphere to relax him. During the sex life, you must also create a soft and comfortable atmosphere, so that you two can slowly relax in comfort.Enjoying sex, gradually adding some tender feelings, I’m afraid he doesn’t want to resist.
“Actually, this husband doesn’t like his wife’s communication, there is another possibility, because I don’t want to have extravagance, I didn’t tell the wife.
Many men like to have sexual fantasies while having sex, and the words of their wives ruin the fantasy.
Tolerate and understand this sexual fantasy.
Sexual fantasies are a type of sexual play, and should not be interpreted as “spiritual derailment” or without sexual desire for the wife.
These examples all seem to illustrate that sexual love between husband and wife is not something that cannot be said, but also a field that must be opened (communication).
Open communication between husband and wife is a necessity for a happy marriage.